


Between the Shadow and the Soul

by alexcat



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Door Sex, Fluff and Angst, I Love You, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 12:40:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18180707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexcat/pseuds/alexcat
Summary: Steve is impatient when Tony returns from space.





	Between the Shadow and the Soul

_I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz_  
_or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:_  
_I love you as certain dark things are loved,_  
_secretly, between the shadow and the soul._  
~Pablo Neruda 

*  
_Present_  
Steve didn’t care about anything but the man getting off that ship. He didn’t care what _he_ wanted. When Stark walked down the ramp, everything in the world stopped for that moment. Steve could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He saw only Stark. He knew the exact moment when Tony saw him. He gave Steve an almost imperceptible nod. 

Natasha might have seen it. Little got by her. No one else would have noticed. 

He didn’t care what anyone thought, but Stark had obligations, entanglements. He said nothing as Tony embraced Miss Potts, kissing her, walking into the building with her. The crowd followed them, everyone happy to have Tony back. 

They all had dinner together, those who were left. Pepper sat by Tony and they acted every bit the couple that the world knew they were. Tony smiled and nodded to every person who spoke to him. He left after a decent amount of time with Miss Potts to go to his quarters. 

But late in the night, after everyone had gone to their own quarters, Steve heard the tapping on his door. He knew who it was. 

He opened the door and without a word, let Stark in. 

As soon as the door closed, Steve slammed him against it and nearly devoured him with violent, desperate kisses. He pressed Tony to the door with his body, pinning him there as their kisses continued.

Both of them were panting because the kisses were so intent that they weren’t taking the time to get a proper breath. Tony started to pull at Steve's clothes, pulling his shirt up, unzipping his jeans. Steve's hands weren't idle either. He had Tony's pants around his knees in seconds. They ground their bodies together. 

Neither of them had spoken a single word. 

Tony somehow kicked his pants out of the way after he’d gotten a tube from his pocket. He popped opened the tube and pushed Steve far enough away to take him in hand and lubricate him quite thoroughly. Steve held out his hand and Tony poured a dollop of the gel into Steve's hand then turned around to face the door. Steve slipped one finger inside Tony, then two. Tony was making sounds, animal sounds, as Steve pulled his fingers free and drove into him as hard and deep as he was able.

Tony grunted hard with every one of Steve's brutal thrusts. Steve wanted to tell him how much he loved him, how he missed him, how scared he’d been that Tony was dead. The words wouldn't come. He only had his body to show Tony what he felt. He came deep inside Tony, pouring his heart as well as his body into his actions. 

He dropped to his knees and turned Tony around, pushing him back against the door, and taking him in his mouth, in his throat until Tony slid to floor, spent and completely limp as well. Steve moved over to him, pulling him close, kissing his mouth, his face. 

*

 _Past_  
This was not the first time they had met clandestinely over the last three years. 

Tony hadn’t lasted a month after receiving the phone from Steve. 

They’d met in a hotel in France. Neither had spoken until they fucked themselves almost to exhaustion. Steve had feared that Tony might actually die of a heart attack after they’d gone on for several hours. Tony hadn’t seemed to care if he did. 

It had been the first time they'd ever touched one another.

Several months later, they met in Hong Kong. Tony told Steve he loved him, had loved him for years. Steve had said nothing in reply. 

They met again in Berlin almost a year later. After fevered lovemaking, Steve still couldn't say the words. 

*

 _Present_  
Steve and Tony sat close together, shoulder to shoulder on the floor, trying to recover their breath.

Steve wanted to tell Tony what he felt.

Tony took his hand and looked at it, turning it this way and that, examining his palm and his fingers, then bringing the hand to his lips, kissing it. 

“I thought you were dead, too, like all the others,” Steve finally said. “I didn't know how to go on. I still don't.”

“I was terrified that I'd die out there and never see you again.” 

“Tony, I don't want to go into another battle without telling you...”

“Steve, you don't have to say -” 

“I do. I love you. I loved you long before we – before we did this.”

Tony put his head against Steve's. “I know that.”

“You should have told me.” Steve touched Tony’s face. “Now what?” 

“I don’t know. Not sure I ever want to move.”

“Can we at least move to the bed?” Steve asked. 

“Have we ever had sex in a bed?” 

Steve smiled finally and shook his head. 

Tony got up a little slowly and held his hand out to Steve. “Come on then. There’s a first time for everything.” 

There certainly was, Steve thought, as he followed Tony to the bedroom.


End file.
